Look around suspiciously, then lean in and say “I don’t believe he’s human. I think they’re here.”

Edit: even better, lean in and say, “I think he’s…Danish.”

When you lie under oath as a defense attorney, witness, or defendant versus the state, it is called “perjury.”

When you lie under oath as a prosecutor, solicitor, district attorney, or cop, it’s called “Tuesday.”

Yes

“Sir, a second bus just pulled up to the bus stop.”

Oh god this was good, it nearly got me. Flawlessly executed. The wanton capitalization is just. Perfect.

You are a black man.