The machine pushes down on most of us all the time. There’s a bit of a mix of a lottery and a game of musical chairs that’s always going on, where you might happen to be something the system needs to squeeze less, and you find/get the opportunity by whatever mix of cunning, privilege, and random luck you have. The relief you’ll then feel is immense, and you will, after a very long time feeling specific pressures that are no longer being pressed, begin to READILY disassociate from them, given they certainly bear a ton of trauma and bad memories.

This makes you less able to relate. You begin relating to your new environment and new pressures because you are escaping. I do get it.

On one level, you succeeded girl. Good job. Nobody deserves the pain and suffering this world pushes upon most of the people living in it. Absolutely nobody. Fuck everything that uses pain and violence to enforce the nightmare world we live in!

But uhh, in your quest to find peace from those traumatic things, you appear to have thrown the baby out with the bathwater.

I like to study religion, and I had a concept introduced to me, in a video that was about the religious characteristics of like, celebrity cults and other modern phenomena like disney adults as they relate to religion, and one of the repeating patterns shared between those phenomena and classical religions, is that their artifice is totalizing to the mind. They have enough stuff to offer a complete worldview.

You’re basically being razzle dazzled by capitalism. Your brain is basically fleeing from trauma and everything it associates with it, probably, maybe, i dont know you lady and im not a therapist, and witholding any moral judgements I may have made, you’ve basically found yourself in a new “world”, a new simulacrum. One that has less misery, its own social circle, its own “world”, and you’re reacting to it credulously and sincerely, so it’s transforming you.

Whether it is exhaustion, selfishness, or whatever, there are a ton of causes that’ll make you go “fuck it I deserve peace”, and you do, to be sure.

May you never forget for a moment how your comfort comes from exploitation though. May it claw at you until you synthesize a healthier outlook. May it haunt you until your heart beats again

good luck.

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thank you <3

change will always come, and things like the Bolshevik rise to power are exceedingly rare, but they do happen.

I struggle to stay optimistic that I will get outcomes I like. I often feel like leftists in America are losing the thread. This is possibly a “me” problem, but when I listen to people who are leftist and also politically active where I am, I hear a lot of shit that I really think has no business coming out of the mouth of anybody fighting for liberation or a more equitable world.

I struggle a lot with that stuff. I worry it’s just black-pilled nonsense. Like the left has had a boot on its head for a long, long, long time in the US, and the feeling of “fuck it, let’s just go for broke” and start pushing things the average person would either laugh at or recoil in horror at.

But I keep my optimism because I get to see people who are ride or die for other human beings, who want revolution, who act with their hearts full of compassion and love, and in that is my hope.

Those folks are my canary. If everyone is shitty and doomer brained all the time, i’m out of there. If we are doing things that are compromised by irrational or hateful motivations, i’m out of there.

But so often it’s just some of the kindest people you’ll ever meet, getting vicious on behalf of the marginalized, and yeah… i just remember that’s where my heart is.

Bumpsundheit

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thank you!!!

It’s seattle too, so everyone was probably like, side eyeing her without saying anything and making like harumphs and noises and refusing to make eye contact or actually say anything about the car making them late to work

police officer waiting for her to acknowledge the citation

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bumping; still need a bit of extra help.

you’d be helping me eat and make my end of day much better. it’d mean a lot

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