As I was told by someone, you are going through the grieving process. One moment, you’ll be sad, then angry, then accepting, and then angry and sad at the same time. Your grieving process is unique. Time and distance does help.

When my ex-fiancé ended things almost out of the blue. I slept most of the time. When I was sleeping, I didn’t have to think about being dumped. I reached out to people to get the support system going. I wrote a letter to them, a very angry and emotional letter. Then I re-wrote it. I read that letter to my ex-fiancé to try to get back together. I purged and clean my apartment, made plans to back to school and get a Bachelors of Law, and even started learning a new language so I could move to a new country. Having a plan for the future helped a lot even if it was slightly insane.

They wrote a response letter confirming their decision. I spent the next several months trying to get over the anger that was there. I went solo camping and did a hike. I ate a low dose of magic mushrooms and wrote my response out. I found that a lose dose of magic mushrooms was able to break down walls and allow me to think about everything in different manner. While that helped with the process, it didn’t get rid of the anger. I did eventually send my last attempt letter/here are some things you can grow on too/thank you letter to my ex-fiancé.

I went on a lot of hikes and talked to people about the anger that would never go away. Eventually it was suggested that I write everything out and burn it.

I decided to go camping with someone to a place that was at least 3 hour drive away. Ate another low dose of magic mushrooms and sat in the middle of a water fall writing out the most angry letter ever. Then I burned the letter right there with the original draft of the last attempt letter/here are some things you can grow on too/thank you letter. As it was pointed out to me the symbolism of writing an angry letter right in the middle of water being turbulent was on point. It helped that the river before and after the falls was extremely calm, which represented the before and after the break up. I let all the negative energy be purified by the flame and water.

I went back to the campsite and wrote another letter, however this was all positive about my summer and what I achieved and looking forward too. I preceded to burn it in the fire to release all the positive energy back into the universe. As the magic mushrooms were telling me that needed to be done. The next day, I went on long and difficult hike to help cement the symbolism of moving onto a new adventure.

While the anger tries to flare up once and awhile, I tell myself that there is no need to be angry anymore. I got out of my system.

The final two pieces of advice; if you can, go no contact with them. Having them in your life is going to prevent the healing. I still love my ex-fiancé however having them in my life as a friend would only lead to major problems for both of us. The second piece, you’re never going to truly going to get over it, it’s like the death of a family member or the loss of a good friendship. It’s part of your life now. You learn to live with it.