Boyfriend of 2 years (best friend of 6) just told me he’s started seeing someone else. No discussion. Just ghosted me for a week and hit me with this news. Thought he was my soulmate, lmao. I feel like someone just ripped out my insides. Just turned 31 this year, this shit is not any easier than when I was a teenager.
How did you make it through that first night? The second? The third? Is it really just time? I feel like my body is too old to survive another heartbreak.
There are a couple of things here… firstly you’re thinking about him being with someone else - that’s not just a ‘breakup’, that’s worse.
Anyway, I found relaxing to be difficult so I went out and did stuff - also I just met lots of friends and tried not to be on my own. During my last breakup, I had someone to meet every day after work for a week - and that put some distance which made it easier.
It’s unimaginably hard to process. But it’s a very small solace knowing that I didn’t have to go without knowing for very long. I had to practically drag it out of him. Its scary thinking about if I had found out a month or two down the line, but it’s also kind of reassuring in a way, kind of like ‘I could be hurting wayyyy worse’.
I also think being around people would be helpful for me. Focusing on other social relationships. It’s just personally hard for me to connect with others. Everything I do feels forced. I wish I had let down my guard with others enough to be able have plans with someone every day. This is the goal I will have to focus on from now on so I don’t have to feel this way in the future.
Does this interaction you have here with random people feel forced? It doesn’t look like it does from your replies. It doesn’t look like you have trouble connecting with people here either.
If I’m wrong about that, the following will feel hollow/bad/be contra productive, but I’m reasonably sure about it… it doesn’t feel like that here because you can just be honest about everything since we’re just a bunch of anonymous strangers and you don’t have to worry about us at all. You can just be like you are and feel like you feel without any compromises. You said in another comment that you’ve talked to your sister and best friend about it, and literally said “they need to sleep so I’m also trying not to bother them too much right now”. Of course I don’t know your best friend and sister. But literally everyone I know would drop almost anything they’re doing and invite me over or come over to me if I needed it this badly like you need it right now. You are allowed and I encourage you very much to take this support from people. If you think about it, wouldn’t you do the same for them? Why would you do that for them? It’s very likely they feel exactly the same way and actually want to help you in any way they can. If I personally think about it, a night’s sleep, even multiple, would not even register as a reason to maybe not support my friends in any way I can.
So this is what I do when this happens. It literally happened about 7 months ago, not quite in the extreme and sudden way like it did for you, but it still hurts like hell. I went to all my friends and talked to them about it, as much as I needed. They offered a lot, but even what they didn’t immediately offer, I asked for what I needed. Someone to hold me, and other things. And there was not even a hesitation in them doing whatever I asked. I held nothing back.
I’m in a (relatively) good place now.
Everything I feel was/is valid, everything I asked for I would have gladly done the same for any of them. I say that it’s the same for you. Everything you feel is valid. Everything you need is valid. Take the support you need. I think this thread here is already perfect, you’re doing stuff to get yourself help. Mutual help is what the human race is all about (well, often at least). Feeling lonely is your body telling you to connect with others, so do it. More. As much as you need.
Edit: your best friend and sister are autonomous people. They will tell you if they don’t/can’t do something for you. So even if something was a problem for them, it’s their responsibility to tell you. Don’t preemptively say “I don’t want to bother them”. I’m very sure they want to be bothered, even though I don’t know them. But even if not, you always “bother” them first, and let them tell you if it’s actually a bother.