I haven’t seen my therapist in a bit and feel like he would just talk about my “avoidance” but as I’ve gotten to know my partner more, I see amplified traits of my past self that made me a bad person and were ones I spent years trying to fix. A damning realization I’d say, especially when I talk to them about it and they double down on it being a part of who they are. But it really turns me off, especially because things were absolutely incredible early on and I swore I found my soulmate, but these characteristics are part of the reason I’ve been in therapy for nearly 4 years now (e.g. unnecessarily argumentative, anger problems triggered by trivial matters, general emotional volatility) and it‘s really tough to face.

Part of me feels like we found each other because our subconscious minds noticed a familiarity in one another, but I do wonder if this is a recipe for long-term compatibility. Tack on to all of this the fact that I am a bit slower processing information than them, and I don’t know what to do. I first have to broach it with them of course, but even simply addressing my concerns about the relationship often ends in anger/tears :/

  • happybadger [he/him]@hexbear.net
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    6
    ·
    10 months ago

    https://iceeft.com/what-is-hold-me-tight/

    If you haven’t read it already, this book and couples therapy based around that EFT model is really good. Deep-rooted attachment styles require focused introspection and some kind of gentle way to unpack why we react the way we do. It described my avoidance and the patterns it drives really well.