I was in an open relationship once. It seemed fun on the surface, and it was definitely a very physical thing, but I realised that on an emotional level things just weren’t clicking: one moment she would refer to me as her boyfriend and her ex as the other, and then in another instant that would be flipped.
I had no clue where I stood with this girl, and planning for any kind of future was impossible. Once I exercised my right(?) to sleep with someone else, I was labeled as a fuckboi and she broke it off. Stressful as hell. Dodged a bullet.
I’ve been some stripe or other of non-monogamous for most of my adult life, and those types of relationships are often the ones that people experience first when they dip their toes in.
It’s honestly kind of maddening, because beyond making it seem like everyone who is poly/nm/whatever are all horny sociopaths (because almost everyone has something like that as a first story), it’s harmful. It’s physically and emotionally unsafe for the person who gets shafted. It treats people like they’re disposable and frankly, it’s selfish, insecure, and sometimes malevolent bullshit dressed up as a hippy-dippy love-fest.
It’s really fucking hard to be ethically nonmonogamous, and I wish people would stop pretending they knew what they were doing. No one knows, and it’s the faked confidence that gets so many people in trouble. People just trust someone to take care of them, and then the other person fails because they’re human, and humans fail. And yet… I can’t imagine not being this way, for some dumb fucking reason.
I was in an open relationship once. It seemed fun on the surface, and it was definitely a very physical thing, but I realised that on an emotional level things just weren’t clicking: one moment she would refer to me as her boyfriend and her ex as the other, and then in another instant that would be flipped.
I had no clue where I stood with this girl, and planning for any kind of future was impossible. Once I exercised my right(?) to sleep with someone else, I was labeled as a fuckboi and she broke it off. Stressful as hell. Dodged a bullet.
Anyway, congrats on your magic dick.
That sucks, man.
I’ve been some stripe or other of non-monogamous for most of my adult life, and those types of relationships are often the ones that people experience first when they dip their toes in.
It’s honestly kind of maddening, because beyond making it seem like everyone who is poly/nm/whatever are all horny sociopaths (because almost everyone has something like that as a first story), it’s harmful. It’s physically and emotionally unsafe for the person who gets shafted. It treats people like they’re disposable and frankly, it’s selfish, insecure, and sometimes malevolent bullshit dressed up as a hippy-dippy love-fest.
It’s really fucking hard to be ethically nonmonogamous, and I wish people would stop pretending they knew what they were doing. No one knows, and it’s the faked confidence that gets so many people in trouble. People just trust someone to take care of them, and then the other person fails because they’re human, and humans fail. And yet… I can’t imagine not being this way, for some dumb fucking reason.
There seems to be a fundamental equality problem there.