… what a unique sentence.
There’s absolutely no proof that J.D. Vance uses burnt monkey testicles as anal beads while making love to his chaiselongue. Reports of him heating them up in a red Le Creuset cast iron skillet before insertion are pure speculation.
I just hate the fact that this absolute fucker has ruined the name JD. I love Scrubs.
That and the good name of Vance Refrigeration
He’s not an absolute fucker unless absolute is a brand of couch.
It comes with shot-glass-sized cup holders in the armrest.
Probably rug burn from the couch cushions.
Sadly, this one involves burning the testicles of actual living monkeys, and not merely engaging in private pleasures
I wish I’d contented myself with the headline on this one.
Thank you for the comment. I’ll let my curiousity go unanswered and my imagination take the reins.
AmplifyBio should rebrand to AmplifyCruelty.
Also, we’re Satan-hybrids now? That’s awesome! Coolest thing they’ve called us yet.
Vance’s investment in Rumble is more on-brand. That company hosts insidious films by anti-vaxxers, who’ve spread the conspiracy theory that Covid is not a respiratory virus, but actually snake venom added to municipal water, and that those pushing mRNA Covid vaccines want to make you “a hybrid of Satan.”
Sign me the fuck up. Do I get demon wings? Pitchfork? It doesn’t matter, I’m in dammit
So do we get to pick which Doom-esque demon hybrid we become or is it assigned for us?
I’m thinking it is assigned, but I put in a request anyways
I see here you’ve requested assignment as a Baron of Hell. Unfortunately, we do not have any of those positions open at this time. I am able to offer you the options of Lost Soul or Generic Zombie. Productive demons will be considered for promotion to Revenant.
I have a lot of experience as a lost soul! 👻
Seems like Trump’s people didn’t do any digging to vet Vance, but the MAGA crowd will write it all off as fake news anyway.
Now that’s it’s come out that he got bullied into the JD pick by his failsons, I’m thinking they did do some digging. He just got bullied.
failsons
New word of the day!
Noun
An incompetent, unsuccessful middle-class or upper-class man who is protected from economic duress by his family’s wealth or influence.
