Yep. I held my father’s hand when he died. When it was over I hugged him and told him we’d be okay on our own now and that we’d manage.

I was mostly right. Mostly. The waves came and went and I thought I’d be over the worst - but now, a year later I sometimes miss the guy with a pain that feels like it will never end in that moment.

I planted a tree and put a bench under it at the end of a small valley where I now own some meadows and where we used to go together and chop firewood. When it gets too bad I take my dog up there and sit down and tell my dad what’s going on.