Slightly in tangent. But I think problem of finding a partner these days is that most of it now happens online, though dating apps. And they are a breeding ground of the most shallow and judgemental viewpoints in human history.
I forget the exact statistics, but according to some dating app, men swipe “yes” to like 60-something percent of the women. Women on the other hand swipe yes to like 4%. At a glance, while that does have a large disparity, you just think… Oh, women are more selective. And I think that’s fine and they should be. But problem is that all other women are selecting the same guys. So the top tier men, whether in looks, height and/or wealth are banging 100s of women. While the bottom majority of men are never getting any matches. From the woman’s perspective, every man they date is a cheater. That’s obvious, these guys have girls lined up as far as the eye can see. They have zero reason to settle with you. From majority of the men’s perspective, they never get any matches or get constantly ghosted and get angry. Majority of men don’t cheat, frankly they don’t even have the opportunity to cheat.
Men get angry at incredibly high standard of women which keep rising since women doesn’t have problem sleeping with men higher in social ladder, albeit briefly. And women get angry at incredibly high number of guys who are just there for sex and have no interest in you as a person.
In real life, you see people first, build an understanding about them and start consider dating. If you know that guy is a cheater, a woman wouldn’t pick them. A guy could go up and get to know them instead in dating app world where seemingly every woman ghosts you.
I think dating apps are ruining the “finding a partner” problem.
As a guy who struggle to date because I respect women as best I can, I sympathize with the mentality indicated, but also disagree that it is just a dating app issue.
Distilling it to a few points is, I believe, disingenuous to the very complex situation that modern dating is.
Although there is argument about the science, the book Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan is one of many that can help reframe the physiological and psychological background of partnering. Not insofar as it is valid, but that what we think we know is really much more under review and debatable.
Add the increase of women in the workplace, Title 9, the increase of an educated women (nay thr dominance of women in many masters and above programs), the urbanization of society, the increase of population dramatically and it’s associated demographics shift towards an increase in women, etc, etc. There is a lot going on. Which definitely includes the change of technology in reaching peers and potential dates.
Our physiology has not changed nearly as much as the knowledge base has however. Which means many things, but among other things it means that physiology can be manipulated by technology. In this, I would agree there is a basis for arguing that dating apps are interrupting the interpersonal interaction.
Having said all that, anecdotally, I will also say not using apps and meeting people is impressively challenging for all the previously normal reason dating is painful… Assuming you can find a place to meet someone compatible.
I agree with all your points. I didn’t intend to imply that dating apps are the only at fault, merely the one that came to my head after reading OPs post.
I feel the need to point out that at any point any of these women could decide to focus on less superficial qualities and more on personality. At some point you’re making a choice.
Slightly in tangent. But I think problem of finding a partner these days is that most of it now happens online, though dating apps. And they are a breeding ground of the most shallow and judgemental viewpoints in human history.
I forget the exact statistics, but according to some dating app, men swipe “yes” to like 60-something percent of the women. Women on the other hand swipe yes to like 4%. At a glance, while that does have a large disparity, you just think… Oh, women are more selective. And I think that’s fine and they should be. But problem is that all other women are selecting the same guys. So the top tier men, whether in looks, height and/or wealth are banging 100s of women. While the bottom majority of men are never getting any matches. From the woman’s perspective, every man they date is a cheater. That’s obvious, these guys have girls lined up as far as the eye can see. They have zero reason to settle with you. From majority of the men’s perspective, they never get any matches or get constantly ghosted and get angry. Majority of men don’t cheat, frankly they don’t even have the opportunity to cheat.
Men get angry at incredibly high standard of women which keep rising since women doesn’t have problem sleeping with men higher in social ladder, albeit briefly. And women get angry at incredibly high number of guys who are just there for sex and have no interest in you as a person.
In real life, you see people first, build an understanding about them and start consider dating. If you know that guy is a cheater, a woman wouldn’t pick them. A guy could go up and get to know them instead in dating app world where seemingly every woman ghosts you.
I think dating apps are ruining the “finding a partner” problem.
As a guy who struggle to date because I respect women as best I can, I sympathize with the mentality indicated, but also disagree that it is just a dating app issue.
Distilling it to a few points is, I believe, disingenuous to the very complex situation that modern dating is.
Although there is argument about the science, the book Sex at Dawn by Christopher Ryan is one of many that can help reframe the physiological and psychological background of partnering. Not insofar as it is valid, but that what we think we know is really much more under review and debatable.
Add the increase of women in the workplace, Title 9, the increase of an educated women (nay thr dominance of women in many masters and above programs), the urbanization of society, the increase of population dramatically and it’s associated demographics shift towards an increase in women, etc, etc. There is a lot going on. Which definitely includes the change of technology in reaching peers and potential dates.
Our physiology has not changed nearly as much as the knowledge base has however. Which means many things, but among other things it means that physiology can be manipulated by technology. In this, I would agree there is a basis for arguing that dating apps are interrupting the interpersonal interaction.
Having said all that, anecdotally, I will also say not using apps and meeting people is impressively challenging for all the previously normal reason dating is painful… Assuming you can find a place to meet someone compatible.
I agree with all your points. I didn’t intend to imply that dating apps are the only at fault, merely the one that came to my head after reading OPs post.
I feel the need to point out that at any point any of these women could decide to focus on less superficial qualities and more on personality. At some point you’re making a choice.