The thing that comes only with age is: to not give a fuck.
When we learn that it doesn’t matter we can all be little old people who are purple mohawk headed, wearing clashing neon adidas jumpsuit with zebra primted boas.
I only learned this a few weeks ago at 40 years old, now my hair is blue, both my ears are pierced and I’m a lot happier. I told my 19 year old daughter that “what will people think?” has been my mantra, now it’s “fuck 'em”
"at 20, you care the world what everyone thinks of you
At 40 you learn to not care what anyone thinks of you
At 60, you realize nobody has been thinking about you at all, the whole time."
If you quit worrying what people think of you, you’ll realize how seldom they do.
Hey, I’m you and you’re me! I also just turned 40 in late September. Happy belated birthday, ya old fart!
There’s always someone who will look at your life telling you you’re doing everything wrong. And you know what? That’s fine. It really doesn’t matter.
To just invest in broad index funds instead of trying to play the stock market.
So what you’re saying is I should HODL my Bored Ape NFTs?
/jk, broad stock & bond index funds are the way to go.
I did both. Mostly ETFs, then some companies I liked. I’m up 100% over seven or so years, but I do admit I got lucky on companies I liked. All EFTs are up a bunch, the safest way to go!
Hello fellow boglehead. Im happy i learned this at a young age, a long time ago.
The sunk cost fallacy is a very easy way to get stuck being miserable.
Sometimes a drastic change might be painful at the time but will be much better for you overall.
Definitely agree with this one
Brushing teeth regularly, and flossing , is more important than I ever realized.
I’m dreading the day my bad mouth hygiene will catch up to me… I know how bad it is but I still can’t get myself to brush every night.
Have you tried putting your toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower? I’ve struggled with brushing my whole life and this is the only thing I’ve ever tried that actually worked. I also put a brush and paste at every sink but the only time I can ever actually manage to brush is in the shower.
Brush whilst the water is heating up means you’re doing your bit to help the environment! And other such half truths I tell myself to get through the day.
It gets mighty expensive.
If you’re like me, then some time in your thirties. I didn’t brush from early teens through until then - I had several abcesses and needed seven teeth removed, including my top fronts. Turns out I had undiagnosed autism, depression and low self image. Now I do brush, and it’s just a case of forcing myself to adapt to a routine. Even keeping some flouride mouthwash handy for a quick swill every now and then helps a bit. Hope you find your way.
I was like you, the transition was not easy, but what helped me was to brush my teeth when I already went to the bathroom to pee. This meant that I rarely brush my teeth at the same time. But I do it every night now. This also helped me reduce my snacking after 20:00. Because I didn’t want to snack after brushing my teeth. I convinced myself I was going to do this and ever since I only missed 2 nights. What also helped is using a tracking app where I could check it to “gameify” it.
Man good dental hygiene is one of those things you just do not think about until you’re older. Flossing, interdental, mouth wash (before brushing), regularly visiting the hygienist and dentist. Your teeth evolved to last 35-ish years, the rest only happens from hygiene.
Mouthwash before brushing? Because you don’t rinse out the toothpaste?
Yes 100% that. I’ve never met a dentist who didn’t immediately tell me to rinse before brushing on hearing I used mouthwash; they all categorically said not to do it after brushing.
Well, that totally makes sense, thanks. I’ve been doing it the other way around for some reason
You can blame the Listerine ads for that.
People just don’t care about you that much, if you go into the street wearing nail polish as a a male presenting person no one will care if you don’t act weird about it. Same thing for shaving your legs.
Family might care though, what helped me was understanding that I spend a few days per year with my family maximum, but I spend that whole time with myself. So who cares what they think be yourself.
This helped me start transitioning at 19
I don’t want to transition. I am 100% male and this will not change, but I still wanna dress sometimes like a gothic queen. Will happen for Halloween.
But I still feel like people care. Even small changes on me get attention. I guess it depends if you learned lots of peoplr and friends in University or not.
I think when Learning new people, it might have an influence. But idk. I never tried it because I am afraid.
People will often take “I felt like it” or “I thought it looked cool” for an answer. Halloween crossdressing is normal, though yeah some people will wonder if you’re questioning your gender, it’s more because it’s a common safe way to express that and any concern is likely from a desire to help.
And for what it’s worth I’ve known many cis men who like nail polish. Especially as an expression of goth, punk, or emo aesthetics where adopting feminine expressions are seen as cool for guys to do.
When someone is abusive or hurtful to you, 90% of the time it’s not your fault. It’s that there is something wrong or something broken in them. They are malfunctioning and it’s necessary to understand that.
The other 10%… Well, own that and fix your mistake.
But a very large majority of the time, it’s them being broken and wrong.
Figuring out abusive relationships for me was hard because I knew friends with good intentions, and gave valid criticism but were absolutely brutal about it.
Now I very rarely associate with very insecure people. They are always looking to “prove” themselves, often by putting others down.
They can’t just accept someone’s accomplishment, they have to go “well actually you got help from so and so…” And always try to undermine your achievements. Extremely mentally exhausting people.
For me it’s been rough accepting that I’m absolute bpd bait. I struggle to hold boundaries and am happy to help people in need. Add in a trusting nature and yeah I’m still learning how not to get abused.
It’s OK to only do what you KNOW you are capable of doing. Too many people hurt themselves trying to push themselves too hard, when they just aren’t ready yet.
That it’s never too late!
Not too late but later than I should have:
- To seek professional mental health help
- To understand that Bisexuality really exists. Growing up and in my teens in media and pop culture it’s seemed that you either were gay or straight, no other option.
And that being gay was bad. It was not conveyed well in our media, and our culture was full of negative connotations with non-heterosexuality. I feel you on this one. Bi people exist, and we’re everywhere!
The things that don’t kill you, do not always make you stronger, but leave you wounded forever.
When I was a little girl I thought that everything, all the abuse and neglect, it somehow made me… special. And I decided that one day I would write something that would make little girls like me feel less alone. And if I can’t write that book…
…if I don’t, that means that all the damage I got isn’t good damage, it’s just damage. I have gotten nothing out of it, and all those years I was miserable was for nothing. I could’ve been happy this whole time and written books about girl detectives and been cheerful and popular and had good parents, is that what you’re saying? What was it all for? - Diane Nguyen, BoJack Horseman, S06E10, “Good Damage”
You’re saying Kelly Clarkson lied?
Not just her, but also Nietzsche
“Fake it till you make it” doesn’t mean pretend to be happy until you are happy. I committed to a relationship I wasn’t happy in, a career I wasn’t happy in, and hobbies I wasn’t happy doing, all because I wanted the approval of others. A divorce, career change, and hobby swap made me much happier.
Yeah, fake it till you make it only applies to overcoming self doubt, and should not be used to dismiss glaring problems. It certaibly doesn’t work as a cure all for actual problems.
It can in rare cases work for happiness, but only if the reason is one that is just based on self doubt while things are actually going well.
Yeah, it’s about projecting confidence when you want something and you’re intimidated by it.
Probably would’ve been nice to know I was trans a few years younger but I started hormones at 20 as did a friend my age who came out at 16, so like it probably would’ve been less consequential than much.
The importance of studying. And related, calculus and how electricity works. Both would’ve saved me a lot of money to have learned 6 months earlier.
Also how to say no to someone trying to negotiate your boundaries and use your kindness to push you into a relationship. I should’ve walked away the second she said she wanted to negotiate my no and that she wasn’t going to give up on pursuing me. That situation fucked me up and wasn’t even the first time someone with insufficiently controlled bpd wound up pressuring me into romantic/sexual situations I wasn’t comfortable with by making it harder to say no than to give what they wanted.
Dad was not lying on top of mum to squash her.
No matter how much 6yr old me was complaining after entering their room early one morning.
you don’t have to make a living from the thing you enjoy most in life, in fact it’s sometimes better not to.
That there’s a opensource version of reddit!!
Nah I feel like I hopped on right on time. When this first started out there wasn’t too much content.
